Indian Standards

Morning 8:30 a.m. The alarm is ringing for the umpteenth time. Oh please.. another 10 minutes.. 9:30 a.m.. Finally up and rubbing eyes. Dear me, whom are you try to fool? Its India, where 60 seconds = 6 minutes (the barest minimum.)

The manager says, “You are expected to reach office by 9 - 9:30 which we effortlessly translate to 11 – 11:30. (We Indians have been always good at math and time management.) The one hour lunch break stretches to a 2 – 3 hour long break from the sitting position at our Work stations. But what do you 2 for 2-3 hours? Oh man!! Such an invalid question. Are you even a part of the INDIAN corporate world? Come here ignorant scapegoat; let me give you some pointers.

• Eat the food slowly and leisurely enjoying each and every morsel but never forgetting to complain about the quality and variety of food the office cafeteria provides.
• Next get some juice and junk food from the Coffee day outlet; relish the sandwiches but don’t forget to bitch about the prices.
• Guys, check out the pretty gals and their outfits and girls check out which girl the guy sitting with you is checking out [How sad can you be WOMAN???]
• With the activities at the cafeteria done, guys move out for a cool smoky drag and gals – Get, Set, Go… There stars your gossiping session (Not that they don’t do it the other times. But after lunch if officially declared time for gossip.)
• Shoes, purses, clothes, hair bands, nail polish, perfume, jewellery.. name it.. Anything between the earth and sky is worth surviving the torture of gossip.

Manager announces a meeting at 3:00 p.m after lunch. Following the Indian Standards, we reach there at 3:30 p.m to find that the manager is out for his Long Lunch Break. Here is your chance to sit in the conference room and bitch about the manager and the project and work. But beware, there could be spies around.

Ah! Finally 3:50 p.m manager storms in with his laptop (as if he had to wait for the laptop to finish its lunch) with the US delegates tailing behind. Then begins a series of presentations which absolutely makes no sense to anybody. By the end of it, its coffee –time and again not breaking the norms of Indian corporate culture it’s our duty to stretch it to at least half an hour.

By evening we are like corpses walking around. So very tired of WORKING the whole day. Can’t wait to get home. And even more depressed thinking about the traffic that we have to negotiate. The only thought that enlivens the dead body is the dinner date with girlfriend/ boyfriend or partner. The date is at 9:00 p.m. You start from office exactly at 9:00 p.m. [Can we be more punctual?] Taking into account, the Indian Standard Time formula, (60 sec = 6 min) + traffic delays, you reach the restaurant exactly at 10:30 p.m as promised. Grab a table, place your order. The ever charming waiter says,”10 min sir”. Do I have to do the conversion for you again? After the food arrives at 11:15 and you and your partner rush through the food like hungry gluttons, you start back home.

Getting home.. Too tired to do anything. Settle on the sofa switching channels TV. Doze off on the sofa with the remote in one hand and the fluid from salivary glands making nice little patches on the soft sofa cushions. Get up suddenly at odd hours in the night realizing that the day is over and you are supposed to change and sleep on a real bed. And before you know, the day is over.

No time for friends. No time to call up your dear ones. Forgot important birthdays and anniversaries. Forgot what you used to like in college. Forgot your hobbies. No time to read books.

Next day you get up. Follow routine. Do a little soul searching. Contemplate and surprise yourself by saying aloud, “Man I’m so damn busy”.
And Blame in on the Corporate Life.

[N.B : Somebody gave me a suggestion that I should write more of first person accounts than using the collaborated word “We”. In a way it’s true. I tried doing that but most of the time I want to say something which does not happen with me alone. It happens with me, you, him/her. So I automatically use “we”, "you", "they", “I” etc without actually thinking why am I using them so. You may relate it to the way you want to and even not relate at all. You are free to make your choice.]